By Swami X

 Since neither of us are really doing anything all that significant, I thought we might amuse ourselves for a few minutes with the Enneagram.

The Enneagram could very well prove to be the most ancient Numerological System known to man. However, I don’t want you to be under, or even overwhelmed by this possibility. Someone, or something, always has to be first. It seems to be an obsession with just about everyone, including Mickey Rooney, Mickey Finn, and Mickey Mouse. Knowing your Enneagram number could help you understand why it always happens to you. There has to be an explanation somewhere.

To arrive at your Enneagram number you add the last two digits of your birth year, then reduce that number to 1 digit by adding them together. Then you take that number and subtract it from ten. If the birthday is in the 2000’s, you subtract from 9. The Enneagram number begins on the Chinese New Year, when the Sun and Moon are conjunct in Aquarius. To illustrate, someone born in 1965 would be an 8. 

   6+5=11 

 1+1 = 2 2 from 10 is 8.

1945 = 1 46=9 47=8 54=1 50=5 52=3 etc. 

Capice?!

It’s good to realize someone could have the same number, but still be very different in the way they comb their hair, or make a crepe. There are only 9 numbers, so, we have to share. After all, they keep telling us we are a democracy. Why would they lie? 

Space for answers:

 1’s are the teachers and the preachers of the

Enneagram. It is very important that they be right

about everything. Ultimately, there is no right or

wrong, only what works, or what doesn’t work. This

seems to be very difficult for a lot of people to

understand, so I’ll just drop it, and pray they’ll

work it out.

 2’s are proud and helpful and willing to go

last. They have a challenge acknowledging their own

needs, desires, and anguish. Some prove to be saints

when they learn to appreciate their own humanity and neuroses.

 3’s will do anything, rather than fail. Success

equates to being approved, accepted, and loved. 3’s

have a hard time accessing their feelings, and yet

they can be charming, lively, and moderately

obnoxious. Their favorite subject is themselves. Whose isn’t? They have to get over this, or suffer the

consequences.

 4’s are pussycats. Their compassion has no

boundaries. They over-identify with their feelings,

which causes all kinds of problems in the

neighborhood. They are prone to following their whims, which is why they sometimes end up in Poughkeepsie, with no real knowledge of how they got there.

 5’s worship knowledge with the vain hope it

will assure them of security. They are well-informed

about everything, except the secrets of Chinese

cooking, Gin Rummy, and the Tri-Lateral Commission. They need to lighten up, get out more, and find a cure for paranoia. They have a positive attitude about longevity, water sports, and sex.

 6’s look for security outside themselves. Big

mistake. They have many fine qualities, but most of

them are punishable by law. They must go within to

find real security, peace, and a good parking place.

 7’s are always making plans because the grass

is always greener, and less expensive in another part

of town. They must get in touch with their pain,

otherwise they could spend the rest of their lives

being brain-washed by Bill O’Reilly – Disneyland’s

answer to Dr. Goebbels.

 8’s bounce between tenderness and greed. Their

neurotic need for money and power may divert them from finding “The Blue-Bird of Happiness.” Eventually they will learn that vulnerability is not weakness, and that a dominant stance can lead to high public office and impeachment.

 9’s resist reality, their own and everyone

else’s. After a while everyone is persuaded to leave

them alone. Late in life they may suddenly realize

they were never really present. Without a belief in

reincarnation this realization could bring on a

serious migraine. People who believe in reincarnation come more than once. They make epic storytellers and convincing con men. They have a special talent for fly-casting and premature ejaculation.