By Ali Katz

This cat’s been mewsing about strange human happenings – Seems the Venice Historical Society, aided by former resident of Venice Ray Bradbury, the cat’s meow of speculative fiction, has started a drive to restore the columns that used to line Windward Avenue. The V.H.S. and Mr. Bradbury deserve a pat of the paw for their efforts.

But this ol’ feline’s fur is up. Robert Graham, dead you know, was the creator of the Torsos that grace the entrance to the Olympic Colliseum. This kitty wonders why, headless, legless, armless statues were chosen to represent the 1984 Olympics. This cat always thought that athletes needed brains as well as limbs to function in Olympic sports. Guess he had a few statues left over, and with the collusion of former unelected Councilwoman Miscikowski and some prestige hungry, great art lovers, dumped one of his surplus seconds in the middle of the traffic circle on Windward Ave., thus creating the illusion of art patronage along with a healthy tax break. Prior to this, great artist Mr. Graham ripped out and off two of the original columns that used to form the colonades on Windward Ave.

When questioned about this destruction/abduction of City Property, which by the way was done without permits, knowledge, or permission of the City of Los Angeles, he said he would replace them with a contemporary version of the stolen columns.

Instead, he built a windowless concrete above=ground bunker complete with overhang (MORE code violations?) right over Windward Ave, for his surveillance cameras. When questioned about the location of the pillaged columns, Mr. Graham consistently avoided answering the question, and at one meeting was reported to have said that it would be an engineering impossibility to restore them. According to the Venice Historical Society, the cost of replacing the columns would be $7,000 a piece. Surely, the relict of artist Robert Graham could dig around in the property and return the stolen artifacts, or at least cough up enough money to replace them.

As far this cat knows, the City has not acted on the many violations that Mr. Graham committed. Now, Ali has many 2-legged friends who would be cited if they built a flower box on their window sills without a permit.

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This pussy is sooo pissed-according to a PBS newscast, there are more medical marijuana dispensaries than Starbucks in the City if LA. According to the report, there are 180 dispensaries to 160 Starbucks outlets. Ali has always thought that a Latte and a splif was a great way to keep bipeds (including humans) alert and mellow. It certainly has benefitted Ali when a human under the influence has stroked this cat’s irresistable fur. The petting is so smooth and…ahh bliss for the kitty. There is a move afoot to close down the dispensaries in Venice, particularly one on The Ocean Front Walk.

Kitty’s informant, Bram Toker says that the establishment is very conspicious and people are handing out leaflets as they loudly proclaim “The Doctor Is In! The Hash Bar Is Open!”

The City council is hastening to use this egregious example as an excuse to stampede an ordinance that would outlaw all dispensaries within Los Angeles City Limits. A hock of a hair ball to these folks. When there is a bar that is non-compliant with the laws that have been laid down, the city disciplines that one bar-the city does not close all the bars in LA, because one bar is breaking the law.

As a matter of fact, the city hands out permits for on-sale liquor as if they were Mardi Gras necklaces. When people complain about 4 or 5 bars, called restaurants, in a one block area, they are told that the establishments haven’t reached the saturation point. The city has been lax in enforcing the already existing laws on the books, regarding hours, noise, under-age drinking etc, but you can bet a lid of catnip that the cops will be wrapping up those dispensaries tighter than a tuna sushi roll, while the adjacent bars continue with noise, illegal parking, if any parking at all, so-called valet parking, the bars and “fine dining” establishments continue to proliferate in so-called residential zones, despite objections from the neighboring residents. Hold the bars, saloons, cafes,  “gourmet” dining establishments to the same standards that are going to be enforced on the dispensaries; if one bar is designated as an attractive nuisance, close ’em all down.

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Prohibition for all! A purr of contentment for the return of Delores. That’s all for Meeow.