It would mean so much to me, I really wish that people by Groundworks know that he was a kind, good, person that was so painfully lonely and so despondent, that he thought his life was worthless. He came there the day before, took pictures of the place on his tablet and wrote Jason C Davis, do not resuscitate

We had many conversations about how bothered he was about how some police treated the ne’er do wells. I believe in my heart he was upset over the death of Brendon Glenn, and Afrika was a freind before he took a downward spiral.

It has been increasingly hard for me to deal with it, I am know to be a strong individual, but, oddly, in the way of the universe, the same week I lost Jason, I also ‘lost’ his two sisters, the oldest lived across the street and was relocated by her company to Boston, and the youngest is in the Navy and is often out at sea.

I wish I could be there, and go to all the places that I had been with Jason. He worked for a long time for Ramone at Star liquor on Bay and Main Street, many many people knew him there.  I had asked Ramone (the owner) if he could put fresh flowers in the original memorial when I came with his sisters to pick up the ashes. He had told me that he would send someone to do that because he did not have the heart to go where Jason had died. Ironically, Jason knew many of the Santa Monica police that frequently stopped in to Star and a woman that was a customer and one time City Counsel member had written me a very nice email telling me what a fine son I had raised, she had sent her phone number and we had talked for a bit, she also talked to the reporter from LA times,  Matt Hamilton. He had asked his editor if he could do a story on Jason, and homeless, police involved shooting, the editor had agreed, but then, there were the shootings at San Bernadino, and news moves fast. I drove all the way to California a couple months back because Jason had his laptop computer and his precious camera and all his lenses at the pawn shop on Lincoln and the owner Alex had told me and his sisters that he would keep them until I could come for them even if it took 10 years, but as I came with $700 to get them, he told me he didn’t keep them, as he promised us several times over that he would.

I know this seems rambling and long, but I wish I could print pictures of the real Jason for you to put there so people could possibly think a little differently toward the people they see on the street struggling with life, hoping to get the smallest but of acceptance and understanding. I still hear the anguish in his voice when he would talk about not fitting in, and there was nothing I could do to help him but listen to him. If it was at all possible to put a link to his Memorial page on Face Book, I would appreciate it. His sister and I both put one because Face Book would not let us have his page, because when he became so despondent he shut it down, so all his pictures are lost to us also.

If there were anyway that I can help please let me know, you can use any of his pictures. I have more pictures that I will be posting on Twitter, Instagram, and the Memorial page in a couple days.

When UCLA Ronald Reagan hospital contacted me for permission to do a brain scan, Jason had already been languishing on machines for 2 days. When they told me what had happened, I instinctively knew he had deliberately acted to end his life because he was 100% positive his actions would cause the police to shoot him. I remember the social worker saying ‘during surgery, they removed parts of his intestines, his liver his spleen’ and I responded ‘but a person cannot live with those things’ and they gently told me they were asking for permission to remove the life support. I remember ever synopsis in my brain firing rapidly, trying to find a path as the pain became overwhelming and I tried to think straight. She said the doctor would call me back. I needed to be there, I needed to hold him, I needed to tell him I understood that his pain was so great that he had looked for release. I asked the doctor . I said I don’t understand, what do I do? Do I come there? The Doctor said ‘ I can keep him alive, even if it takes you three days to get get here, but I am asking you to respect your son and let him go’ I knew he was right, I asked if I could talk to him, the doctor said he didn’t think he could comprehend. The room is dark, Jason has tubes and wires, there is a person sitting with him and we have turned down the noise on the beeping machines and keep the door as closed as possible so he would not be agitated. I said, do you know how they say a persons spirit hovers over and they see what is happening to them? The doctor said some people believe that, and I told him I was one of them, and could I talk to Jason. The doctor said we will hook up the speaker near his ear and then you can call that number directly to his room it will let you talk to him. I got his sister and we did that and then we tried to get the sister from the Navy to call that number but she could not reach anybody so she didn’t get a chance to call him. When we were done the doctor sounded stunned and said I’m glad that you did that because when you had talk to him all of the monitors on him became calm and less and agitated I’m sure that Jason heard you told him that we loved him, I told him I understood what he had done. His sister told him that he would now get the chance to meet Nikola Tesla, (who was Jason’s all time hero)

The chaos in the news has my head reeling and spinning, police involved shootings, killing people because of who the are Black Lives Matter, Blue Lives Matter, All Lives Matter,

Jason used to say his life did not matter. I said it matters to me. He said you don’t count, you are my mother, it is your job to love me, you don’t have a choice. I feel like I let him down in so many ways from the time he was a little kid. He was so curious and fascinated about everything. He talked about solar power before it was a thing, he was over the top angry about what Edison did to Tesla, he had an understanding of Black holes that I did not get but listened to him talk about the stars and the planets with such a fascination. I remember thinking years ago that it sure would be nice if he could get an opportunity to spend some time chatting up Stephen Hawking. And when we talked about God he talked about an energy, a source and how we assign that energy to be mail or female and it is neither. I wanted him to get involved in volunteering and helping others. He was annoyed by religious constraints by people that didn’t see the bigger picture. He was a compassionate person that loved animals.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to unload, it is very deeply appreciated, here is a link to the Facebook memorial, I think

Jason Charles Davis Memorial Page

Paula C Laroway